One of my RP blogs (elenaisonfire.tumblr.com) was selected to be in the running for BOTM (blog of the month).

It’s a great chance for my blog and writing to get some recognition, as well as find more people to RP with. Oh, & feel free to follow my RP blog if you like it. Thanks!

For every vote I get, I will do: ten jumping jacks, 5 crunches, 2 push ups.

Please place your votes here.

Thanks for your help, loves.

Oh, and I’m down 20lbs! Expect me to be updating my blog accordingly within the next few days :)

Determined.

115 by May 2012.

105 by August 2012.

Ready for this.

Confused.

I will be thin. I owe it to myself and everyone else.

“Run, bitch, run.” And I did.

I am 5’5”. I am content with this height. I wouldn’t mind being a few inches taller, or shorter. Being “average” is lame. I would hate to be shorter and still be this weight, though.

HW: 220 lbs.

CW: 209.6 lbs.

LW: 170 lbs. (since beginning weight loss)

GW1: 170

GW2: 140

GW3: 120

UGW: 105

Went down, shot back up. Won’t make it so easy to give up this time.

30 Day Weight Loss Challenge
Day 1 - Your stats
Day 2 - How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day 3 - A picture of your thinsperation. What features do you like about this person?
Day 4 - Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day 5 - Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day 6 - Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day 7 - Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care? 
Day 8 - Your workout routine.
Day 9 - Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day 10 - What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
Day 11 - Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
Day 12 - What do you normally eat?
Day 13 - Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day 14 - What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
Day 15 - Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day 16 - When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day 17 - Do you have an eating disorder?
Day 18 - What food is your weakness?
Day 19 - When is the last time you ate fast food?
Day 20 - Favorite diet?
Day 21 - What are your clothing sizes?
Day 22 - What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
Day 23 - Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day 24 - How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?
Day 25 - Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience. 
Day 26 - What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
Day 27 - How do you deal with being around food?
Day 28 - Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Day 29 - Your definition of beauty.
Day 30 - 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?

I’ve been stressing myself out WAY too much lately, and needed a mental health day, not to mention that I’ve been feeling like complete shit. I’m going running when Mo gets out of school, and abs after work tonight. My body will not get the better of me. No more fat girl.

Yesterday, I admitted that I have a problem to my best friend. She didn’t judge me, she didn’t try to change me, she was just there for me. She let me cry and she told me that things would be okay and that she understands. I couldn’t call it what it is, it’s hard to admit that you’re not perfect, and that to find control over something, you have to lose yourself. I went from 215 to 170 in a matter of two months. I failed out of school because I was afraid that if I left my dorm room, all I would do is eat. I lost most of my friends. The only people I relied on were my followers. And I thank you so much, there were so many times that you kept me from jumping overboard. I love you all so much for it. I started eating again, and I ate and ate and ate because I fucked everything up. School, family, friends, life. I weighed 220 a few weeks ago, and I’m at 209.6 right now. I’ve been trying to do it the healthiest I can. But, it’s hard to eat sometimes. It just is.

My goal weight is now 115lbs. I am determined to get there by the beginning of summer. Disorder or not. Eating or not. I will control my own life. My name is Kae, and I am (a recovering) anorexic.

Let this be a lesson that it doesn’t matter how big you are, it is a state of mind, it is feeling the need to control, it is disregarding friends and family, it is scary. I know that. But, nobody will be able to help me until I can help myself. Truth is, my life is spiraling out of control.

I keep on seeing things on my dash that in no way relate to health, fitness, or beauty.

I need support. I need help.

If you’re not so active anymore, please suggest someone who is.

Thank you. <3

It reminded me of how disgustingly out of shape I am.